Why do I do it?

Notes from a Mind That Won’t Shut Up

Me, vaguely and inadvertently resembling Nick Mullen, complete with spectrum-associated dead stare.

Every time I check, more people seem to be following this Substack—which is both flattering and a little unnerving. Since it’s been a while, I figured I’d address a question I often ask myself: Why do I do this?

The short answer is because I’m wired this way. That’s it. I do it because my mind goes there. It’s been going there for nearly 40 years and I don’t know where else to put it. The truth is that I don’t have much choice: when my thoughts go unrecorded, they start to bother me after a while. Not making an earnest attempt to put them into something meaningful just seems like a waste. I’m grateful for those who read/ listen to the things rattling around my mind and I do my best to organize them in a way that makes sense to most people.

What keeps me grounded

I have a lot of thoughts about the various things I see and hear.

I derive great joy from simple things like cat videos and old episodes of the Cum Town podcast – if I find something funny, I tend to obsess over it until I understand why. But the humor is mostly a reprieve from the other thing my brain drives toward, and that’s civilizational systems and the things that affect them – war, money, resources, drugs, technology and the implications thereof, etc. At four, I became fascinated by the Gulf War and, later that year, the fall of the Soviet Union… I also started watching The Simpsons around that age. The Internet came out when I was ten, giving me access to more information than any generation in recorded history. These interests drove me to get a couple of degrees in my twenties, during which time I picked up a few new ways of categorizing and explaining things.

In truth, I’ve never been able to stop thinking about these big issues until exhaustion. I censor myself a fair bit, so there’s a lot I can’t write down. Naturally, I take a lot breaks, during which time I watch YouTube videos like clips from Dumb and Dumber, old Norm Macdonald bits, or fan-animated portions of Cum Town (seriously, check it out). Tim Robinson is also great. When I write, I mostly listen to lyric-less ambient soundscapes to drown out background noise.

The funny stuff keeps me from obsessing too much over the dark stuff, which can put me in a terrible mood, especially when contextualized within own life. Sometimes I need to walk away for a while and become engrossed in video game narratives, especially the deep philosophical ones, and fantasize about one day creating a game of my own. I fantasize a lot, actually. Exercise helps, too. In this sense, I am not particularly deep or high-minded: more like two-wheeled wagon barreling down a dirt road, requiring the intermittent application of grease to each wheel maintain forward momentum. Where is the wagon going? I guess I’m about as aware of that as anyone else.

If you’re of a similar mind, all I can say is don’t ignore it. The whole world will deliver itself into your gravitational pull anyway, and when it hits, you’d better have some mental tools at your disposal or you’ll go mad. If you want to know how I organize my research in what sometimes call my ‘high concept’ approach, check out my previous post.

(left to right) Adam, Nick, and Stavros from the Cumtown Podcast, also known as a ‘friendship simulator’

Everything is related

Did you know that Internet sensation/ young Tony Soprano lookalike The Rizzler is only six degrees removed from Chairman Mao Zedong…and yes, that connection matters more than it sounds—because everything is connected.

In life, usually starting in school, they tell you to specialize into some narrow area of expertise. The way things have been going, it’s been hard to argue with them. After all, working professionals with narrow skill sets and an infinite appetite for boring, repetitive tasks have been keeping BMW and Porsche dealerships afloat for decades. Academics build entire careers, complete with tenured positions, research grants, and mile-long bibliographies, on some of the most hyper-specialized and esoteric lines of inquiry ever pursued. These knowledge fiefdoms have their purpose and value, but without the ability to contextualize, they are practically useless in producing important and meaningful research that people actually want to read. Moreover, as artificial intelligence (AI) continues to advance, it will likely subsume all of these narrow skillsets, sidelining all but the highest priests and practitioners of practically every known field.

Those wired for research must adapt, and fast. AI has its place, but it won’t do it for you. You must interrogate yourself constantly and maintain bottomless curiosity. Doing so is not easy, hence my predilection for exercise and Cum Town. Whatever does it for you, it’s important to probe all recesses of your mind and connect the dots – after all, it’s all connected in the end.

Probe it all, and yourself, in the process – I can hear Stavros’ cackle as I write the word ‘probe’.

James Gandolfini on-set in season 1 of The Sopranos

A Note to the Like-Minded

But for all the noise, distraction, and absurdity this world throws at you—if you’re wired a certain way, none of it quite silences that pull to make sense of it all. That gravitational urge to connect dots, to trace patterns between war, money, tech, and the chaos of everyday life—it doesn’t go away. You can ignore it, dull it, laugh at it, but eventually, it comes back. So you may as well do something with it.

For me, this Substack and Between the Lines are where that process happens—open-ended, imperfect, and sometimes a little too honest. But it’s mine. If you’re still reading, maybe part of it is yours, too.

Thanks for letting me think out loud or at least digitally mutter to myself with an audience.